Daycare

Yesterday was my girls' first day back at daycare since I left for maternity leave back in May. I wasn't sure if I was going to be returning back to work. I wanted to be able to stay home with the girdles (as my grandfather used to call us), and was making a go of having my own home daycare, but that was not to be. I only had one client and no prospects of any additional curtain climbers. So with the financial world swirling around us in the pre-flush twister and an offer waiting for me at my job, we decided that I should come back to work. It was with a twinge (and by twinge I mean hundreds of hot pokers jabbing at me from every angle) of guilt that I sat down with my 2 year old and asked, "If mommy goes back to work will you be sad to go back to Debba's?" We had had almost 4 months of 24 hour a day togetherness. Most of the SAHM's I've talked to have always spoke about how your child needs and wants you more than Elmo and fruit snacks combined. They told me that she would forget about Debba and just be so happy to have her mommy home with her all the time. mmmmm hmmmmm. I should have remembered my step-father's quip, "Who's this they? And why do you care?" She looks at me and says, "You stay with me Mommy?" uh-oh here it comes, she's going to freak. I'm a horrible mother. I say, "No, Mommy will have to go to work." She tilts her head and investigates further, "You drop me off?" yup-she's going to start crying when I say yes. Why couldn't I have hit the lottery while I was home. "Yes." "You take baby sista work too?" now she's going to give me grief for leaving her sister too??? has she been talking to my grandmother and I missed it? "No, she'll go with you." "Me go Debba's now?" great, now she's going to think I want to get rid of her now and don't want to be with her. will her therapy be covered?? "No, not now. In a few weeks. Later later later." "ME GO DEBBA'S NOW!!!!!!!!!" And everyday after that the same thing. You would have thought Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the Fairy Godmother all were coming to visit her the night before the first day of daycare. She was THAT excited to go to sleep so that she could wake up and go to Debba's. Why do I listen to what other people say about me leaving my girls with a non-family daycare provider? Why do I let them plant the seeds of doubt about whether my girls are happy there, when I KNOW they are happy and loved? Why do I care what they say when they don't know my girdles or their Debba? Silliness I tell ya-just plain silliness.