It occurred to me today while I was preparing our ham and potato soup for dinner, I may have too much thinking time on my hands. I think too much about the minutiae of my day. I don't know if it's because of watching Oprah, or belonging to a mommy website, but I find that I am constantly making sure I am aware, as Billy Joel sang, "This is the time to remember, cause it will not last forever." This is neither a complaint or a 'yay me' moment; merely an observation. As I was making the soup I was thinking how lucky I am to be able to be home making a homemade dinner for them~that I'm am not afraid of my kitchen and know making a dinner from scratch isn't going to cause me to panic. We were watching a show the other day, could have been an Oprah, probably was, about women who didn't cook. One woman used her crock pot to store her hair scrunchies and her oven to store other various hair styling products. I didn't judge, but said to my husband that I couldn't even fathom a world where I didn't use my stove everyday. Beyond knowing how to use my kitchen, each day that I am in there I am so aware that my girls are watching me. While I am making a conscious effort to absorb and appreciate this time I'm spending with them, I am also hoping that I am doing a good enough job that one day they will be sitting around with a boyfriend or whoever saying, "My mom was such a good cook" or "I used to help my mom in the kitchen all of the time." I'm hoping they inherently know that what I make for them is one way for them to physically see my love for them. Obviously, that is not something they realize now as my oldest whined to me this evening, "Moooommmmm, I want to go out to eeeeaaaatttt." One day they'll get it...I hope.
With that said, kindergarten registration is in 2 weeks! KINDERGARTEN!!! When did this happen??? She was just born yesterday, wasn't she? I'm already getting a knot in my stomach and a little something or other happening in my throat when I think about this. I'm not usually an overly emotional person. Yes, I cry ridiculously at movies, tv commercials, country songs, etc., but when it comes to real life stuff, I'm more of a Sean Connery from The Untouchables kind of gal..."What are you prepared to do?" But this...this kindergarten... it's starting to get to me. I just want to hold onto her for a little while longer. I know she has to go, and I know she's going to love it. I'm just scared for her. I want the kids to be nice to her. I want them to like her. I want her to feel smart, to make friends easily and not feel painfully shy. I don't want her to be scared. I don't want her to think for one instant, "I want my mom." I don't say any of this to her-never. I don't want to put my neuroticisms onto her. My husband thinks I'm crazy. Probably rightfully so, but I can't help it. Maybe I should homeschool. Kidding! Well....nope I'm kidding.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Punctuality may just kill me
It is not a trait I am proud of, but I am usually late. I really try hard not to be. I'd like to blame it on having 3 kids, but I can't. I did this before I had the girls. It's not like I am sitting in my living room thinking, "Oh, they WILL wait for me" or "They should be happy I'm going at all". I have never had any of those or similar thoughts when trying to get ready for any type of event. I truly appreciate how rude it is to be late, and hate that people may think that I'm a rude person when I am late, because I really am running around like a chicken without her head trying to get out the door. More times than not when I AM on time (usually for a wedding) I am still one of the last people there and am exasperated by the time I get there. Basically, I HATE that I'm usually late.
However, within the last month or so, we have been on time. Let me tell you...it stresses me out MORE to be on time than it does to be late!! How ridiculous is that??? We've had some family holiday parties...on time. Reese had a doctor's appointment...on time. The culmination of this streak was the holiday party we went to today hosted by my best friend's mother. Not only were we on time, but we were the first guests to arrive. "Fantastic" you're thinking, right? WRONG. We pulled up to the house and saw there were no other cars there. I called my friend and asked her husband, "What time is Mom's party? 3 or 3:30?" He assured me it was 3. I was calling at 2:55. Then, my husband asked me if I had the right day. Of course I had the right day. But did I? Today was the 2nd, right? The card said it was the 2nd, right? Now, I'm doubting myself and getting mad at myself because, a) having the date wrong is something that is well within the realm of possible for me, and b) if I did have the date wrong I would NEVER hear the end of it from my friends. Ugh...I would be the butt of this joke for a looooonnnngggg time. I called my friend back and asked, "Um, your mom's party is TODAY, right?" She assured me it was. I felt bad because she thought I was calling because SHE wasn't there yet (her daughter had just woken up from her nap) and I was teasing HER because she is usually punctual to a fault.
I really can't take the stress of being on time!! All the family parties I was on time to this past month, I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. Part of getting there on time was making a serious effort to get the prep work necessary to go out done ahead of time. Not rushing to get things done really made me feel like there was something I was forgetting to do. It stressed me out. While we were driving to a Christmas show at a local theater (with plenty of time to find parking and be in our seats before the curtain rose) I was driving a little fast. My husband said, "You don't have to drive like a nut. We're on time. You have plenty of time to get there." It took me a second to realize, "Yeah, I can just drive and not worry about being late."
My cousin is my anti-procrastinator. For as much as I put things off until the last minute or beyond, she has things done way before they need to be done. I told her that I don't know how she does it. It really made me uncomfortable to be sitting there knowing I didn't have anything to do, but playing over and over in my head "Did I forget something? What else do I have to do? Is it time to go yet?" When I'm running late, yes there is a certain level of stress in and of itself, but I don't have time to be second guessing myself. I just have the "I should have gotten into the shower sooner, got the girls dressed faster, etc." conversation with myself as I'm driving to my destination.
I KNOW punctuality is the way to go, but as ridiculous as it sounds, it is really an adjustment to change this part of myself. I do like that we aren't rushing out of the house screaming at each other because we are late, AGAIN, but it is taking a little getting used to.
However, within the last month or so, we have been on time. Let me tell you...it stresses me out MORE to be on time than it does to be late!! How ridiculous is that??? We've had some family holiday parties...on time. Reese had a doctor's appointment...on time. The culmination of this streak was the holiday party we went to today hosted by my best friend's mother. Not only were we on time, but we were the first guests to arrive. "Fantastic" you're thinking, right? WRONG. We pulled up to the house and saw there were no other cars there. I called my friend and asked her husband, "What time is Mom's party? 3 or 3:30?" He assured me it was 3. I was calling at 2:55. Then, my husband asked me if I had the right day. Of course I had the right day. But did I? Today was the 2nd, right? The card said it was the 2nd, right? Now, I'm doubting myself and getting mad at myself because, a) having the date wrong is something that is well within the realm of possible for me, and b) if I did have the date wrong I would NEVER hear the end of it from my friends. Ugh...I would be the butt of this joke for a looooonnnngggg time. I called my friend back and asked, "Um, your mom's party is TODAY, right?" She assured me it was. I felt bad because she thought I was calling because SHE wasn't there yet (her daughter had just woken up from her nap) and I was teasing HER because she is usually punctual to a fault.
I really can't take the stress of being on time!! All the family parties I was on time to this past month, I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. Part of getting there on time was making a serious effort to get the prep work necessary to go out done ahead of time. Not rushing to get things done really made me feel like there was something I was forgetting to do. It stressed me out. While we were driving to a Christmas show at a local theater (with plenty of time to find parking and be in our seats before the curtain rose) I was driving a little fast. My husband said, "You don't have to drive like a nut. We're on time. You have plenty of time to get there." It took me a second to realize, "Yeah, I can just drive and not worry about being late."
My cousin is my anti-procrastinator. For as much as I put things off until the last minute or beyond, she has things done way before they need to be done. I told her that I don't know how she does it. It really made me uncomfortable to be sitting there knowing I didn't have anything to do, but playing over and over in my head "Did I forget something? What else do I have to do? Is it time to go yet?" When I'm running late, yes there is a certain level of stress in and of itself, but I don't have time to be second guessing myself. I just have the "I should have gotten into the shower sooner, got the girls dressed faster, etc." conversation with myself as I'm driving to my destination.
I KNOW punctuality is the way to go, but as ridiculous as it sounds, it is really an adjustment to change this part of myself. I do like that we aren't rushing out of the house screaming at each other because we are late, AGAIN, but it is taking a little getting used to.
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