Punctuality may just kill me

It is not a trait I am proud of, but I am usually late.  I really try hard not to be.  I'd like to blame it on having 3 kids, but I can't.  I did this before I had the girls.  It's not like I am sitting in my living room thinking, "Oh, they WILL wait for me" or "They should be happy I'm going at all".  I have never had any of those or similar thoughts when trying to get ready for any type of event.  I truly appreciate how rude it is to be late, and hate that people may think that I'm a rude person when I am late, because I really am running around like a chicken without her head trying to get out the door.  More times than not when I AM on time (usually for a wedding) I am still one of the last people there and am exasperated by the time I get there.  Basically, I HATE that I'm usually late. 

However, within the last month or so, we have been on time.  Let me tell you...it stresses me out MORE to be on time than it does to be late!!  How ridiculous is that???  We've had some family holiday parties...on time.  Reese had a doctor's appointment...on time.  The culmination of this streak was the holiday party we went to today hosted by my best friend's mother.  Not only were we on time, but we were the first guests to arrive.  "Fantastic" you're thinking, right?  WRONG.  We pulled up to the house and saw there were no other cars there.  I called my friend and asked her husband, "What time is Mom's party?  3 or 3:30?"  He assured me it was 3.  I was calling at 2:55.  Then, my husband asked me if I had the right day.  Of course I had the right day.  But did I?  Today was the 2nd, right?  The card said it was the 2nd, right?  Now, I'm doubting myself and getting mad at myself because, a) having the date wrong is something that is well within the realm of possible for me, and b) if I did have the date wrong I would NEVER hear the end of it from my friends.  Ugh...I would be the butt of this joke for a looooonnnngggg time.  I called my friend back and asked, "Um, your mom's party is TODAY, right?"  She assured me it was.  I felt bad because she thought I was calling because SHE wasn't there yet (her daughter had just woken up from her nap) and I was teasing HER because she is usually punctual to a fault.

I really can't take the stress of being on time!!  All the family parties I was on time to this past month, I kept feeling like I was forgetting something.  Part of getting there on time was making a serious effort to get the prep work necessary to go out done ahead of time.  Not rushing to get things done really made me feel like there was something I was forgetting to do.  It stressed me out.  While we were driving to a Christmas show at a local theater (with plenty of time to find parking and be in our seats before the curtain rose) I was driving a little fast.  My husband said, "You don't have to drive like a nut.  We're on time.  You have plenty of time to get there."  It took me a second to realize, "Yeah, I can just drive and not worry about being late." 

My cousin is my anti-procrastinator.  For as much as I put things off until the last minute or beyond, she has things done way before they need to be done.  I told her that I don't know how she does it.  It really made me uncomfortable to be sitting there knowing I didn't have anything to do, but playing over and over in my head "Did I forget something?  What else do I have to do?  Is it time to go yet?"  When I'm running late, yes there is a certain level of stress in and of itself, but I don't have time to be second guessing myself.  I just have the "I should have gotten into the shower sooner, got the girls dressed faster, etc." conversation with myself as I'm driving to my destination.

I KNOW punctuality is the way to go, but as ridiculous as it sounds, it is really an adjustment to change this part of myself.  I do like that we aren't rushing out of the house screaming at each other because we are late, AGAIN, but it is taking a little getting used to.