It occurred to me today while I was preparing our ham and potato soup for dinner, I may have too much thinking time on my hands. I think too much about the minutiae of my day. I don't know if it's because of watching Oprah, or belonging to a mommy website, but I find that I am constantly making sure I am aware, as Billy Joel sang, "This is the time to remember, cause it will not last forever." This is neither a complaint or a 'yay me' moment; merely an observation. As I was making the soup I was thinking how lucky I am to be able to be home making a homemade dinner for them~that I'm am not afraid of my kitchen and know making a dinner from scratch isn't going to cause me to panic. We were watching a show the other day, could have been an Oprah, probably was, about women who didn't cook. One woman used her crock pot to store her hair scrunchies and her oven to store other various hair styling products. I didn't judge, but said to my husband that I couldn't even fathom a world where I didn't use my stove everyday. Beyond knowing how to use my kitchen, each day that I am in there I am so aware that my girls are watching me. While I am making a conscious effort to absorb and appreciate this time I'm spending with them, I am also hoping that I am doing a good enough job that one day they will be sitting around with a boyfriend or whoever saying, "My mom was such a good cook" or "I used to help my mom in the kitchen all of the time." I'm hoping they inherently know that what I make for them is one way for them to physically see my love for them. Obviously, that is not something they realize now as my oldest whined to me this evening, "Moooommmmm, I want to go out to eeeeaaaatttt." One day they'll get it...I hope.
With that said, kindergarten registration is in 2 weeks! KINDERGARTEN!!! When did this happen??? She was just born yesterday, wasn't she? I'm already getting a knot in my stomach and a little something or other happening in my throat when I think about this. I'm not usually an overly emotional person. Yes, I cry ridiculously at movies, tv commercials, country songs, etc., but when it comes to real life stuff, I'm more of a Sean Connery from The Untouchables kind of gal..."What are you prepared to do?" But this...this kindergarten... it's starting to get to me. I just want to hold onto her for a little while longer. I know she has to go, and I know she's going to love it. I'm just scared for her. I want the kids to be nice to her. I want them to like her. I want her to feel smart, to make friends easily and not feel painfully shy. I don't want her to be scared. I don't want her to think for one instant, "I want my mom." I don't say any of this to her-never. I don't want to put my neuroticisms onto her. My husband thinks I'm crazy. Probably rightfully so, but I can't help it. Maybe I should homeschool. Kidding! Well....nope I'm kidding.
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2 comments:
"There's gonna be alot of tears on that Kindergarten day, but they will be happy ones!, you've done a magnificent job with Sabrina, and I know for sure she will do just fine, and make new friends quite easily! Time goes by fast, so enjoy these times now, and hold them close to your heart,...you'll never forget them! : )
Love you!
Aunt Nancy!
I know exactly how you feel. When I dropped Kyle off at college the first year, the college had all the incoming freshmen march up the hill, through the arch and off to their dorms. I stood there crying and thinking " I just dropped him off at kindergarten. What happened?" I was crying so much. I looked around and didn't see alot of moms crying. I thought tere was something wrong with me. I turned around and Kyle was behind me. He came to say good bye again. As I am typung this I am crying. I miss my kids so much. I know they live with me, but it is not the same as when they were younger. I hate when Eric leaves to go back to school. Most parents can't wait till their kids go back, not me. I am so glad you are able to stay home with the girls. Treasure every moment, it goes soooo fast.
Love
Aunt D
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